Expect the unexpected

I always thought of myself as an intellectual, who is capable of think beyond what is in front of my own eyes. But it was suddenly revealed to me, that beyond all doubts, thinking beyond means thinking abstractly. It's a process of distancing oneself emotionally away from reality. Use logic to analyze what is the truth. The big assumption is that logic is something not contaminated by feelings, by cultural background, or by personal upbringing. Logic is something stone cold, solid, a life jacket saving me from wavering when making value judgment. I always take this line of thinking for granted. This is the center of my world view, and any other beliefs and thinkings are inferior to my thinking. Anything is in the grasp of logic, therefore anything can be forecast and expected using logic when you have full information.

This is MY ARROGANCE, unmistakably cold, unapproachable, and impersonal.

But here is also comes my biggest fallacy. Logic is without any feelings, cultural background, or personal upbringings, therefore logic is without value judgment. Logic can only forecast the outcome, it cannot tell me whether the outcome is right or wrong. Therefore allowing logic to help me making value judgment itself requires a leap of faith, which makes me no different from any religious zealots. How I thought I was so sophisticated in my thinking, but how damn simple my thinking really was/is? A "the Six Sense" type of revelation, I feel the chills creeping up my spine.

Suddenly defeated by my own logic, standing in a lonely place astonished: if anyone I have full information on, it would be myself, how come I never see this coming? If I cannot even expect what's I am feeling, how can I use logic to predict anything. ...

Truth is something truly slippery, it cannot be deduced, analyzed, or categorized. Doing those things, inevitably require value judgment, which leads to bias. Ironically, truth can only be felt, not understood. So there is only one thing to be expected in life, it is unexpectedness.

...Embracing who I really am, maybe I can finally emerge from the logic shell I built to hide from the world, maybe I can finally be a man for myself.

by Chichi